


How to train your new crewmate?

by deutschistklasse



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Pre-Canon, Attempt at Humor, Gen, I don't know what to tag this, Missing Scene, Zuko's Crew POV
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-27
Updated: 2020-11-27
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:14:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27747325
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deutschistklasse/pseuds/deutschistklasse
Summary: How not to die on the hunt for the Avatar and evade more misfortune than you are due on this ship – a step-by-step guide by Prince Zuko’s crew.
Relationships: Zuko & Zuko's Crew (Avatar)
Comments: 10
Kudos: 133





	How to train your new crewmate?

1\. The ship’s official name is unimportant. Its unofficial name is the _Angry Lizard_ , named in honor of our esteemed teenage captain, Prince Zuko. The unofficial captain is lieutenant Jee. Don’t bother any of them with complaints if you like your ears where they are. You’re better off resolving the problem yourself.

2\. If you had the misfortune to land on our ship, what you need to know is that what shouldn’t happen but could happen, would happen. Be prepared for anything, from being cursed by a spirit to a shouty teenager trampling your self-esteem into the ground in two seconds.

3\. Cursed by a spirit isn’t that bad. If you are fortunate enough, you can have a few days off duty. If you are well enough to work, don’t worry, nobody will embarrass you. In these two-and-half years on Avatar hunt, we were all special at least once. Take it as full initiation into the crew.

4\. Shore leave is sacred. Until the end of it, you will be deaf and blind. You don’t hear anything about weird spirits and Avatars in that tavern, you never see any strange light on the beach or in the forest. That was just your overactive imagination or a dream. You go mute too, never once mentioning any of it.

5\. If you don’t want to really go deaf, don’t antagonize Prince Zuko more than necessary. Some disrespect and bitching is acceptable, even expected. His High-Strungness can and will respond in kind. It’s a great bonding experience through mutual frustration with the other.

6\. You never ever mutiny. General Iroh wasn’t named Dragon of the West just for nothing. That benevolent smile is a trap. He can and will eat you alive if you try it. Then he will use your bones as a toothpick, beaming at you all the way.

7\. The ship is a wreck. It’s pure spite and defiance that’s holding it together. And our miraculous engineer, Speak-and-Die. The name is accurate. Prince Zuko is safer than them.

8\. Our training days are those days when our ship is broken-down. Don’t worry, it’s just every three days. That’s the time when all of us attack Prince Zuko in name of training. It’s good for releasing your frustrations with him and acquiring new ones. We hope you like the taste of defeat. We all eat it regularly.

9\. We don’t like Zhao. That creepy snake-roach sits on our service pay and blocks our access to supplies. He’s the enemy. When visiting our ship, you can spit in his tea. We all do. But please, be subtle about it.

10\. You aren’t allowed to spit in Prince Zuko’s tea. He was initiated into the crew early on. We do remember with fondness his days with dog ears and tail. It was very enlightening. He may be a prickly brat, but he is our prickly brat.

Welcome on board. We will have a great time together wallowing in misery and wishing for escape.

**Author's Note:**

> After the week I had, I needed to relax somehow. This is the result.   
> (I hope I didn't insult anybody with paragraph 4, it wasn't my intention.)  
> Have a nice day or at least better than mine (and the new crewmate's on Zuko's ship) was.


End file.
